My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
