okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize