Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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