hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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