Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
