i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize