Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
