I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
