my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am midnight drunk by noon
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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