Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize