Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
