it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
