Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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