You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
