you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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