i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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