He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He has the fingertips of a God
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