I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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