honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
