I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
