so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
