i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
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