3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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