No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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