I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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