Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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