it hurts more in the daytime
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
zippers are such a cool invention
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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