Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
