Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
