i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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