You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
