this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
