did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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