Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The beer is more important than you right now.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
