Please, let me fuck your mom
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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