I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
