her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
