after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
