Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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