i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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