Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize