he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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