Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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