I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
