We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
