She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
