and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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