I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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