You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
