I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
