i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
