Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
