just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope mine doesn't look like that
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
