Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
What a dumb baby whore.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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