She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize