Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
