I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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