I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
