Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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