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Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
