I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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