you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
this will be a night to untag.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
