Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is it because I queefed?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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