omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
