the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
As shirtless as possible
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
