So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize