I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
