we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
