I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
