we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
