If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
