fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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