If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
