I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
