I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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