Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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