Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
