Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
