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he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
