so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
