apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
