whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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