Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
