So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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