she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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