my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
