I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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