Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
