there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
