32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize