at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize