he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
