Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
