also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
