margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize