My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just saw a hot homeless man
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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