i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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