I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
