batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
