So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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